Dr Pearnel Bell
I have been approached a number of times this past week to provide psychological perspective on why younger women date older men — men who could be their fathers. The buzz about the psychology behind younger women dating older men began with the incident in the past week involving an older man who is accused of murdering his 22-year-old partner. This is not the first time that this question has been raised. This is an ongoing discussion that begs the question; what are the reasons older men date younger women and the psychological consequences of this kind of union?
Psychological Reasons
The talk on the streets is that older men who date younger women often do so because they want to reclaim their youth and often the older man sees the younger woman as an investment. The investment issue is, ‘I will do all I can for you’ which involves providing financially for the younger woman. This financial provision could mean renting an apartment, buying groceries, shoes, clothes and if the younger person has children (by a different man) provide for the children, ensuring the children are sent to school and taken care of. This is so because, very often, the younger woman who dates an older man may not have the financial support of her child’s father. If we were to calculate the cost of all this, it is indeed a huge financial investment. The older man, in making this investment hopes to gain a return on his investment.
What is this return on investment? He expects undying loyalty. Loyalty would mean the woman should make sure ‘I am the only man you have’ — no infidelity. It means ‘being available when I want you because you are kind of my property’. Remember I own you because I have purchased you at great cost.
GOOD SHAPE
Often times these older men may be married and seeking this partnership as a way of boosting their ego. The men may also be divorcees who are again seeking an ego boost or love as they may have had a bruised ego as a result of the breakup of their marriage.
It can also be argued that one can see the obvious reasons why an older man will date a younger woman. Younger women are in better physical shape and may appear more pliable than older women. Many older men have had the experience of being in relationships that may have been difficult, ones that came with a lot of responsibility and complications — miserable wives, kids, mortgage and other day-to-day stressors of being in a long term relationship. When dating younger women the relationship is often free from such baggage, a more carefree, romantic, less responsible relationship is very appealing to older man.
Why younger women do it
The psychological reasons that younger women date older men are not so obvious. The argument would be, “What a nice girl like that doing with an old man like that, that could be her father?” But there are a number of reasons why younger women would entertain an older man as a partner. Statistics indicate that while it is obviously very enticing for an older man to date younger woman the converse is true. Younger women, given the choice between an older and a younger man, would go with someone in their age range as their first choice. Younger women would not want a guy twice their age when they could find a guy in their age range. So then if this is so — it then begs the question why do younger women end up dating older men, father figures if you may?
