Linton P Gordon
Over the past few years we have seen a decline in the respect that is shown to the Deceased especially at funeral services. No longer do people maintain the dignity of bidding farewell to the Deceased at a funeral service. Instead, several funeral services are used by various persons for their own aims and objectives, oblivious of their duty to show respect to the Deceased.
A funeral service should always be conducted with dignity and respect for the Deceased. The pastor or clergy conducting the funeral service should be careful not to make himself the centre of attraction and the most important person at the service.
The pastor ought not to highjack the funeral service and convert it into a full fledged gospel service where he diverts attention from the dignity of saying farewell to the deceased to that of winning members for his church.
In arranging the order of service, the pastor should meet with family members prior to the date of the funeral and assist and guide them in producing a funeral programme that will not be long and drawn out but will be of a reasonable length and will ensure that the attention span of mourners is not lost.
The pastor should respect the right of family members to have a very brief service even less than an hour in length and should not insist that he should preach for a long period during the service as the service is not a ceremony. It is a funeral service affording the opportunity for relatives of the Deceased and other mourners to bid farewell to him or her.
TRIBUTES
The Pastor should also be firm enough to restrain the bereaved family from making a programme with a multitude of items especially tributes. Ideally, the pastor should insist that there should be no more than three (3) tributes: one from members of the family dealing with the personal aspect of the life of the Deceased; One from his/her area of employment, career or profession and a third tribute from his/her friends and community members including his place of worship. There is absolutely no need to have a multitude of tributes many of which repeat what previous tributes contained.
DIGNITY AND RESPECT
The eulogy should be a concise reflection on the life, accomplishments and special attributes of the Deceased. It should be sufficient to evoke remembrance for those in attendance. The person presenting the eulogy should avoid adding boring, long drawn out details that are common to the life of just about all persons. Instead, aspects of the life of the Deceased that were peculiar to him/her should be highlighted in a precise way thereby avoiding the risk of making the eulogy a boring presentation.
A funeral service should be conducted with dignity and respect for the Deceased. This means that those who are attending should dress themselves in a way that reflects the respect they have for the Deceased and an acknowledgment that this is a solemn occasion and not a visit to the dancehall or a club.
Ladies especially should avoid wearing skimpy dresses, see through dresses or dresses that are quite economical in the way they cover their bodies. The clothes worn to a funeral should reflect a sense of dignity and respect for the Deceased.
DANCEHALL CLOTHES
While it is no longer a requirement to wear black when attending a funeral, persons should wear sober colours. We should avoid taking children under six (6) years old to a funeral. It is an act of disrespect to the bereaved family to turn up in the church with little babies who bawl and wail throughout the church service, thereby creating a distraction to an occasion that should be a solemn one. It is also unfair to these children to take them to a funeral especially when they are not related to the Deceased.
As the funeral procession passes along the road, we should all stand and men should remove their headdress in respect to the Deceased. There are too many occasions now when the funeral service is so long and drawn out that persons attending have to leave the church in search of water because they are becoming dehydrated; Or leave the service to go outside and stretch their legs because of the length of the service.
On many of these occasions it is failure of the pastor to act responsibly by insisting that the bereaved family agrees to a programme that is of a reasonable length. On some occasions, it is the pastor himself who, having seen the large congregation in his church, seized the opportunity to deliver a long drawn out fire and brimstone sermon. During the long and drawn out sermon the pastor ignores the bereaved family and the occasion for which persons are in his church.
He changes the funeral service into a full blown gospel concert, with singing, preaching and dancing, oblivious to the stress and strain the bereaved family is experiencing as they await proceeding to the graveside for the commitment of the body of the Deceased.
We need to restore dignity to our funeral services and the best place to begin is with the pastors of the various denominations insisting that a funeral service is what they are asked to conduct and not a long drawn out gospel concert which in many instances ends up being a form of punishment to the bereaved family and person attending.
